Inspirational

State of a Writer’s Mind

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you”, says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

For the past couple years, I have been in a mental state of which all writers endure from time to time- writer’s block. It is a struggle that I envisioned to be, and that was usually, just a temporary brain lapse; it would soon be cured with those sudden drops of ideas to relieve me from this gray area that freezes my hands over the typewriter or pauses my pen in mid-air. The climate of the world changed with an insane amount of intensity and at the same time mother nature made the clock strike midnight on my body. Unlike when I am writing a story, I had reached a chapter that did not have an ending- menopause. My flashes of creative spark were now just hot flashes. I thought I was going to go crazy! It didn’t just include hormones but also included the world around me.

The Covid pandemic and all its repercussions only added to what felt like the deterioration of my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual state. Like most of you, I adjusted to the new limitations. I looked forward to not having to put on my “mask” of showing up at work or going about my daily responsibilities with a fake smile. I was happy to stay at home and work, no longer having to deal with the office politics and cattiness that all of us tolerate but do not enjoy. The solitude would give me the opportunity to reflect, I thought to myself. With less time needed to get ready in the morning and commute to my job, I falsely thought I would have more moments to meditate and enjoy my outlet of writing. However, this did not happen. My brain only curled up in a corner like a frightened puppy.

If you read scripture and listen to sermons like me, Jeremiah 29:11 is familiar because it is used quite a bit in “feel good” sermons that sends a deceiving message to the listener that they will get their way very soon. The actual context of this scripture was that God’s people were in Babylon, a place that they did not want to be, for 70 years. God promised He would bring them home again but not on their desired timeline.

Just like the people in Babylon that were forced to remain in a place that was unfamiliar, God began my spiritually painful metamorphosis. At times it still seems like it will never ease up. I have learned and am still learning, that my way is not God’s way. Yes, it may line up from time to time but if we were to do a study on our lives and the statistics of how often things work out exactly as we envisioned, the odds of skipping down multiple bunny and butterfly lanes in life are very low. What the scripture, and the context of the scripture, now clearly shows me is that God has me in a chapter of feeling “stuck” for a reason. His plan (not mine, where I instantly am freed from my writer’s block and the moodiness of my hormones) is to bless not just me but also others, right where I am. In this midst of my various episodes of feeling overwhelmed, depressed, anxious and despair, He will show me hope and He will bond with me once again because I am still (not still by choice, I would like to reiterate once again). He wants to show me that I need to turn to Him, not fretting and chasing what I think is good (getting my way) but only fills my spiritual void temporarily.

My need to have worldly validation- everyone doing what I want or to be provided with external praise and acceptance- is my habitual mindset. I realize that I have been blinded by my longing for my writings to create a deep bond with others before reforming my bond with Him. My passion for writing was instilled in me since I was born; He placed it in my DNA with an intent to become closer to Him then to others, not the other way around. Once I was reminded of this scripture, I realized that God is shutting doors so that I can learn to only look “up” and not “around”. This state, this spiritual and emotional stagnancy, is to teach me and reignite my creative gifts that honor Him, right where I am. He wants me to be freed from the bondage of fear that people will mock or judge my writings. It is this fear that has me running from the gifts and tools provided for me. By having me remain in this current state of “Babylon”, my eyes can be opened to the internal confidence and joy that comes from me writing to honor God, inspire and help others. Nothing. Else. Matters.

Once I am filled with self-acceptance that overrides any negative scenarios I imagine in my mind, I will be elevated to another dimension, another state of mental, emotional, physical and spiritual clarity. He will pen paths that take me out of my cloud of despair and into a place of higher consciousness; a level where Spirit is exalted and nothing else dictates the direction of my life. I will live in an intangible land where I am free from self-condemnation and fears. This new freedom will show through my writing. His plan for promises of hope and a good future will help not only me but multitudes of people. God’s will to use me where my feet are presently planted will result in Him bringing me back to my roots, the core of who I truly am in His eyes. He will bring me home.

My point of sharing all of this with you? If you, like me, are aspiring to create and you feel that pull to express yourself through a medium (no pun intended), but it seems that cloud of self-doubt starts to surround you, just know that you are not alone. I, too, am in the process of escaping that same cloud. His promises occur even in those areas where we feel stuck. When we feel that gentle tug to write down a random thought, no matter how slight, do not let cognitive distortion stunt a potential change in the state of your own personal Babylon. Follow your spiritual guide right where you reside and trust all the skills that God instilled in you.

I will do the same.

Alive East Bay Magazine

Caring Awareness

I write monthly articles for Alive East Bay Magazine. My goal is to provide positive information, resources and hope for all communities. I hope you enjoy March’s edition. 💚

The month of March always has me in deep reflection. As an awareness month to educate the public about Cerebral Palsy and all that this medical diagnosis signifies, I think about all that my 11-year-old daughter has survived. I think about what emotional turmoil my family and I have survived and about the many families with a special needs diagnosis.

While caring and awareness may be brief for some, the many “hats” that I must wear are the forever symbols of the delicate care I must incorporate, as life is now filled with priorities much different than those of mainstream society. It is a rocky path strewn with emotional, physical, financial, and medical challenges, but these bumps in the road can be faced with help from caring organizations like CARE Parent Network.

Founded over 30 years ago after the implementation of The Lanterman Act (laws to protect and grant equal rights for those with disabilities), CARE Parent Network is a family resource center that provides support for the disabled and the loved ones that care for them.

When my daughter was first diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy, a medical condition due to injury of the Cerebral Cortex (the part of the brain that controls muscle movement and function), I thought her world had been shattered into pieces, resulting in many future hardships. Families feel lost after being told by a medical professional that their child has a condition that will limit their physical or developmental ability. They can feel alone with their fears as they navigate medical terminologies, paperwork, and life-long commitments to readjusting their daily schedules—let alone the educational options and legal rights of which one must be knowledgeable in order to wear a respectful but firm hat of advocacy. While a parent cares for the child, CARE Parent Network takes care of the family unit, providing a network of supportive and informative options.

Whether through support groups or one-on-one support, CARE Parent Network’s  staff are not only knowledgeable but empathetic, as they are, themselves, special needs parents, like program director Hannah Michaelsen. With a degree in public administration and the parent of a son was with Autism, Hannah was a volunteer for CARE for 14 years before becoming its program director. The most gratifying part of her job, she states, “is to share in a chapter where others are more empowered and confident because of CARE’s existence; to equip the parents to advocate and navigate not only the system, but their daily lives.” Through CARE, doors are opened to compassionate directions of understanding. They help clients navigate the intricate paperwork of IEPs (educational planning and goals) and legal rights, as well as addressing personal concerns and frustrations.  

May the months that introduce awareness also introduce connections that inspire compassion and a purpose to create a sustainable and capable community; one where a disability turns into visibility beyond the fog that can overwhelm us.

The ribbon we wear this month is about being aware that there are people who do care. It is a ribbon worn not just once a year but every day. May CARE Parent Network continue to weave together all ribbons and teach families to wear them with not just pride but unwavering hope.  

For more information, please visit careparentnetwork.org or visit their Facebook group page: Care Parent Network

Alive East Bay Magazine

Breaking Patterns

ALIVE-Media-Magazine-February-2020-Nekisha Pic

I write monthly articles for Alive East Bay Magazine. My goal is to provide positive information, resources and hope for all communities. I hope you enjoy February’s edition. ❤

Just like a national holiday or a particular month that focuses on a person or group of people who overcame enormous challenges changes your perceptions, sometimes you meet someone that unexpectedly adds to that enhanced appreciation of life. A person I met recently, Nekisha Gallon, is one of those people that touches your life the moment you meet her.

With a heart to always strive for a better life than what she endured as a child, Nekisha Gallon is a true spiritual survivor who aims to be a light to anyone she meets. A bright soul I crossed paths with in the past year, we instantly connected because of our experiences with the foster care system. Her story began in 2001 when she was only 11 years old and forced to endure the emotional turmoil as she was removed from her home and placed into the custody of the Contra Costa County foster care system. She endured painful experiences no child should ever have to face.

The oldest of six siblings, Nekisha and her younger brothers and sisters were separated, placed into not just one foster care home but multiple foster care homes. Caught in the crossfire of her mother’s crack addiction, she dealt with multiple instances of sexual abuse at the hands of people who were supposed to care for her. Even with all these tragedies in her memories, Nekisha always knew that God had a different plan for her life.

Watching her mother make diligent efforts to show up for the supervised visits, the devastation and difficulties of her mother’s choices, along with the lack of follow through from the county’s family court system, she witnessed the deterioration of her mother’s mental state. What could have been an opportunity for her mother, Rocquel, to be provided with direction and resources for rehabilitation, sadly resulted in her living on the streets of North Richmond.

Dealing with the world with her heart on her sleeve just like her daughter, Rocquel has endured harassment and insults as she survives sleeping in parks and any abandoned home she can find. Nekisha still visits her in this environment out of unconditional love and a desire to keep her thoughts on what is good in this world and how she can add something good in her mother’s life.

It can be a very cruel world that we live in but there are offsets because of the determination of individuals like my dear friend to keep on keepin’ on. Sadly, growing up in a dysfunctional family environment often leads to a continuation of the dysfunction. However, Nekisha shattered the limitations by graduating with honors from high school and now attends Cal State East Bay, pursuing a bachelor’s degree in business. In 2015 she married her high school sweetheart and is a mother of two children, Angelo Jr. and A’Naiyah. Today she works full-time in her own fitness business, “Flexin With Keke,” and is working to raise funds to help her mother with future rehabilitation costs.

You never know what someone has been through and their capacity to make necessary changes, despite pushbacks, so don’t judge a book by its cover because behind that “book” may be loved ones wanting a better path for all involved. Whether a person is part of the mainstream or the struggling homeless, everyone has a story to share. When the day begins and you walk out the door to face it, remember that there are those who have endured or who are enduring a rough path.

The pain of the past can be the lesson that helps us grow and break patterns; to plant the seeds that help the community and many we may never meet. It was such an honor to get to know about Nekisha and her family’s life. Just like her business name, instead of letting the problems keep her down, she is determined to flex through the mess. It is a pattern we all should imitate.

For more information regarding fundraising or to be a physical fitness member with “Flexin_With_Keke”, please email flexinwithkeke@gmail.com

 

Inspirational

Blacktop Rivers

blacktop river poem pic

I had to leave the point of where I was

Left in the thoughts of hell was pretty rough

I had taken many roads before that wasn’t too wise

Only to end up full circle, what a surprise

Back to square one and I couldn’t get away

From the child in me that wanted to stay

Good bye to the ways of the woe

As I float on down this windy road

 

The blacktop rivers

The rivers..the blacktop rivers

Seek and you shall find

The freedom of your mind

The blacktop rivers release the blind

Get on the road of discovery

The blacktop rivers of clarity

Letting it go..letting it go

Set your mind free

 

Blacktop Rivers where my mind goes free

Movin’ to my dream, the road beneath my feet

Pressing forward without touchin’ the ground

Letting the wind brush past me, my thoughts with no sound

 

I’m just letting my mind go free

On the blacktop rivers to the powers that be

The blacktop rivers where no one can stop me

I’m just letting my mind go free

 

Blacktop Rivers where my mind goes free

Movin’ to my dream, the road beneath my feet

Pressin’ forward without touchin’ the ground

Letting the wind brush past me, my thoughts with no sound

 

I’m just letting my mind go free

On the blacktop rivers to the powers that be

The blacktop rivers where no one can stop me

I’m just letting my mind go free

 

On the blacktop rivers to the powers that be

 

Copyright Stefanie Boggs-Johnson

 

Inspirational

Mirror Talk: Brain Wash

Mirror Talk Brain Wash

Romans 7:17-20 

But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

 

Start observing your thoughts.  In order for awareness to occur, in order to see the darkness that is guiding your actions, there must be light.  Like the light that separates the dark, awareness is the separation of yourself from your thoughts.  You first must think about what you are thinking about.  The protective mechanisms originate in your mind.  To remain feeling safe from the moment you were born, you imitated patterns of behavior to feel connected to the world.  As time went on, some of these patterns remained habits, an automatic reaction based on what you saw others repeatedly do or say.  The type of nurturing you received shaped your mind.  Based on the level of healthy nurturing, it formed survival skills that were perceived to have served a purpose at certain stages of your life but that no longer serve you today.  You must become aware of what thought patterns and behavior responses no longer serve a purpose.  Your self-talk begins to change when you hear what it is telling you.  Does the chatter softly direct you or does the chatter mutter quickly?  What is your brain saying?  Begin to talk back to your brain.  Start speaking to the subconscious thoughts that surface when you are by yourself. Behind all the people and daily circumstances that occur in front of you is a repeated scenario or conversation playing in your mind.  It is these repeated scenarios or conversations within your thoughts that either bind you or free you.  Become aware of the fact that this isn’t “just the way you are”.  Become aware of your thoughts.  This is the first step of renewal, being able to build the habit of stepping back when in the midst of a situation.  Observing your thoughts begins the awareness of any habitually negative thought patterns that needs to be washed out.

 

Romans 7:21-23 

It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

 

The process of renewing your mind is to remember that there is worth in powerlessness. You have value despite people, places or things that are out of your control.  You can’t control an environment based on what behaviors others deem as worthy, it is only your first internal response that determines the circumstances.  You can not change what is outside of you, only what is within you.  Giving God permission to begin laying the foundations of new perceptions means giving up your survival mechanisms.  It means being powerless, standing back and paying attention to what He is trying to speak, teach or form in your life.  During this transfer of power, you do not become less.  You begin to see that your worth starts with words you let Him engrave in your mind.  Interrupt your own made up conversations and in that space of interruption, listen.  You do not need to jump through hoops in order to get people to treat you in a manner that helps you feel better about yourself.  That is the power, which you thought you could contain, that you are releasing.

 

Romans 7:24-25

I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question? The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.

 

Beginning a brain washing is not equivalent to being out of touch with reality.  If anything, it is about finally beginning to live in the reality, being where your feet are currently placed and not habitually viewing the moment as a repeat of your past.  You are filtering out the layers one at a time.  The past protective behaviors and mechanisms that help you not feel vulnerable are actually the very things that keep you in a repeated cycle.  Once you lay down these protections, God can step in to reshape your outlook to the point that when you think you are being thrown out to the wolves you actually have landed among new trails of growth.  The new life that wants to be formed is already within you. Life (light) or death (dark) begins with your internal conversations.  Let God change the conversations by letting him gently pull you back to the sidelines so that you are no longer in the middle of the battle scenario.  You can learn to stop beating yourself up and choose the thought trail that leads to a beneficial outcome of acceptance. Acceptance means that not everyone or everything will go in a direction that you would prefer, including yourself.  It is a continual process to step back daily and see your world exactly as it is right now- not exactly as it was in the past nor exactly as you imagine it to be in the future.  Stop the trip ups that always seem to occur because you keep mentally tripping back to your mind movies of the past.  Step into His power and Let God redirect. Release the old thoughts to Him, be still to receive the new as He gets rid of the old and be open to starting over.  Wash, rinse, repeat.

#MirrorTalk #BrainWash